posted by Ginger on May 26
Since our recent decision to go public with Mission, we have received many questions about who we are, what we do, why we do it, etc. Hence we have decided to produce a list of FAQs and their answers (we thought about just writing the FAQs, but that wouldn’t be so useful since you would just read them and go, yeah, I was wondering that too) So here goes.
posted by Ginger on May 9
Last week Chuck Norris expressed his, um, dismay about the Customs and Border Protection’s decision to scrap the proposed, 28-mile virtual fence along the Mexico/Arizona border. Check out Chuck’s angry words here.
Some of the highlights of Mr. Norris’ post include:
“Is anyone really shocked by this security fence fiasco? Another government solution bites the dust.”
“How is it that we can militarily overthrow a government like Iraq, yet we can’t militarily keep illegalities from crossing our borders?”
“It is not a matter of if but when America will be attacked again from terrorists who despise our country and us.”
“We need to quit condoning illegal immigration through couching language and compromising justifications.”
“…a friend of mine has a Texas-tough alternative…All we need to do is to post signs and position manned trucks at key points…Warning: Use of deadly force authorized.”
If the virtual fence is not an option, one has to wonder why our government does not construct a virtual Chuck Norris to protect the border. Perhaps this is truly what Mr. Norris had in mind. Obviously, the proposal to use signs stating “Warning: Use of deadly force authorized” at the border was more of a theoretical recommendation than a literal one — because clearly “la advertencia: el uso de la fuerza Chuck Norris autorizada” or “Chuck Norris no le desea aquí” would’ve been better choices.
posted by Dakota on May 9
On Thursday, May 8, 2008, one of our field agents spotted rapper/reality TV star Flavor Flav eating dinner with his crew at MR CHOW in Beverly Hills, Calif. This resourceful Team agent recognized the evidence-gathering opportunity immediately. After all, is it not appropriate that Chuck Norris could be masquerading as Flav, a man who clearly has his own identity issues? A man born as William Jonathan Drayton, Jr. who — despite his training as a classical pianist and trombonist — decided to pursue fame as a goofball? Would this not be a clever cover for Chuck Norris himself?
Considering this, our field agent immediately purchased two bottles of Dom Perignon, with the intention of bribing his way into Flav’s private party to ask him the all-important Question (i.e., Aren’t You Chuck Norris?). Alas, our agent was turned away at the door, access denied. Flav apparently can buy his own Dom.
Disappointments like these do not shake us from our resolve. The Mission lives on.
