Chuck?

posted by Ginger on Jun 16

According to the Associated Press, a man and his dog drove off a 200-foot cliff in southern England Sunday morning, were ejected from the car, and survived. News reports say the man was found near his demolished vehicle, both legs broken and barely conscious. The dog had left the scene of the accident, but later turned up at the man’s house, hiding underneath the kitchen table.

Certainly this is a case of Chuck Norris intervention. It can be shown by the placement of the vehicle that it landed on top of the victim, breaking both his legs, but was inexplicably moved to a different spot. Tooth marks and missing metal on the driver’s side door indicate that someone (who else but Chuck Norris?) had a little nibble on the painted metal before tossing the vehicle off of the injured man. Further, the hood of the vehicle had a series of indentations on it; experts later confirmed that the indentations produced a message in Braille on the underside of the hood which read, “I made Ellen straight. Then I changed my mind.” The victim was incoherent when he was found but could be heard mumbling the words, “oh great one” repeatedly. As for the dog, a whisperer has been brought in, but so far the dog’s not talking.

Finally, a coincidence too great to overlook: Actor James McAvoy (Wanted, Atonement, Becoming Jane, The Last King of Scotland) was seen in London that very day.