Archive for July, 2008

posted by Brains on Jul 27


Which one would you choose, Commando Chuck or Ranger Chuck?

(Personally Commando Chuck sounds much more aggressive and badass to me, no offense to those rangers out there.) Either way, you can choose a personality and start fighting communism in Chuck Norris’ new cell phone game: Chuck Norris: Bring on the Pain. Supposedly, cell phone users get to play the role of His Eminent Soldier for Global Righteousness and Fitness by shooting at dictators from around the world to reignite the furious flames of the Cold War. Wait, I mean, the razor sharp icicles of the Cold War.

Now, Mission supporters, members, and new timers… doesn’t this game seem a little… I don’t know… familiar??? Haven’t we seen something like this before? I think so:

Join the Mission Game

Don’t you see the similarities? Of course in our very own Join the Mission Game we do not have the nerve to place the game player in the identity of Chuck Norris. That would seem to be blasphemy or something. Anyway, let’s not get worked up about this. We should be applauding Gameloft (even though they’re copycats) for launching this new game; it’s rather daring, don’t you think? To go against the Mission and its indefinable power is, well, pretty ballsy. So although it angers me that these money- and power-hungry fiends would steal an idea from fate itself, I have decided not to Bring on the Pain. To send operatives after the Gameloft execs would be to go against the spirit of the Mission. And so we will let it be. We have far greater things to accomplish.

posted by Ginger on Jul 11

Prior to Jackson’s appearance in the studio for his “Fox & Friends” interview, it is believed that he was listening to some tunes on his iPod while reviewing the latest Mission materials. The combination of influences—will.i.am grooving through his earplugs and the power of Chuck Norris weighing heavily on his mind—stimulated Jackson’s creative power and he wrote a little jig on the spot. When he made the nasty little comment about Barack, it was just one of those uncontrollable outbursts that happens when a song’s stuck in your head. Nothing malicious at all.

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posted by Ginger on Jul 10

Chuck Norris has dropped the lawsuit against truth-seeker Ian Spector for publishing 400 Facts About the World’s Greatest Human, the book that attempts to make sense of the Great One. Initially Norris had said that the book tarnished his name through the use of base humor and lewd references. We say: tarnish or polish, what’s the difference?

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