Chuck?

posted by Ginger on Jul 10

Chuck Norris has dropped the lawsuit against truth-seeker Ian Spector for publishing 400 Facts About the World’s Greatest Human, the book that attempts to make sense of the Great One. Initially Norris had said that the book tarnished his name through the use of base humor and lewd references. We say: tarnish or polish, what’s the difference?

Now that the lawsuit has been dropped, we can only wonder what lies ahead for Norris. Indeed, despite the Mission’s extensive network of operatives, Norris has been increasingly elusive as of late. (Despite popular belief, the Team has found no evidence that Norris was involved in the Matthew McConaughey/paparazzi incident in Malibu, Calif.) We must ask ourselves:

*Is the decision to drop the lawsuit an expression of indifference or an affirmation of his character and abilities?

*If it is indifference, could it mean that Norris has given up on us and decided to leave us to our own devices? If Americans don’t have Norris to lead them out of a housing crisis and economic slump, what hope do we have? (Obama and Clinton? Please. Now if former POW McCain decided to team up with Norris as VP, that would be something—putting two dudes in charge who both have experience with the use of force, that’s one way for the U.S. to man up and fix its problems.)

*If it is an affirmation, will the world see an invigorated Chuck Norris using all available force to fight for global righteousness, health, fitness and worldwide use of the Total Gym? Can we expect that Norris will prove the 400 published facts are trivial understatements, mere hints of his talents?

We can only wait and see.