posted by Ginger on Sep 27
I have one question for those who follow us: notice anything missing? like any posts that suddenly have disappeared? posts that were definitely there and now they’re gone? (Sorry, that was more than one question.)
All I’m allowed to say is that Chuck Norris really does control the Internet. Some of our posts disappeared without my knowledge (presumably our hosting company was involved?) and another post I had to remove myself due to a “request” from Norris’ people. Perhaps they feel threatened by the groundswell we are creating.
When we launched this site earlier this year, we (the Team) accepted the possibility that we would get censored. This is just another obstacle we have to overcome in the fighting for the Mission to prove the Theory of Chuck Norris.
posted by The Hammer on Sep 27
During a recent outing in Torrance California, I spotted Israel Sesay plopped in front of a flatscreen, waiting for an MLS soccer game to begin.
For those who are not soccer fans, Sesay plays for the Los Angeles Galaxy (home of David Beckham) and was one of the youngest players ever to play in Major League Soccer. He’s not a superstar the likes of Tom Cruise or Justin Timberlake, but still, he’s more famous than I am. So rather than come right out and ask him, “hey, aren’t you Chuck Norris?,” I took a more subtle approach. “Do you follow soccer?” I asked. That proved to be an effective icebreaker. From there, I pumped him for information about all of the drama surrounding his team currently: How’s the new coach working out? (he’s cool) Why aren’t you traveling with your team right now? (twisted ankle) Who’s the fittest dude on the team? (Chris Klein) You guys gonna make the playoffs? (we gotta win) …and so forth. His responses were enlightening. But more importantly, the conversation confirmed that this Israel Sesay definitely was not Chuck Norris.
posted by Ginger on Sep 12
No doubt you’ve seen the video of Chuck Norris boldly and rudely arguing with Arianna Huffington. Chuck interrupts, says weird things, laughs at her, blinds the viewing audience with his pearly white teeth and just generally makes a fool of himself. Ha, you say, this is your hero? This is the man who supposedly uses the jaws of life to pluck his brows?
The only thing is, that wasn’t Chuck Norris. It was the Obama Chuckbot. You know, like a fembot, but in the likeness of Chuck Norris.
Evidence indicates that Barack Obama and Oprah Winfrey conceived the Chuckbot as a countermeasure to McCain’s astute appointment of Sarah Palin as his running mate. Given the effect Palin has had on the campaign, Obama knew he had to take quick and decisive action. Here’s what we know:
- A witness recently spotted Obama doodling “Chuck Norris” in bubbly, cursive writing on a notepad.
- Joe Biden was overheard telling Obama that it was crucial to get Chuck Norris on their side. It is believed, but not confirmed, that Obama began to cry when he Norris’ name was mentioned.
- Obama had a closed door meeting with Oprah Winfrey; evidence strongly suggests that the pair conceived of the bot idea and funded its development. You could almost say the bot is a love-child of sorts. Almost.
- The bot was sent on a mission to make a fool of itself by picking a childish fight with Arianna Huffington, thus bringing humiliation upon the McCain/Palin campaign.
- Obama was heard laughing maniacally as the Huffington/Norris altercation aired on Larry King Live
- The YouTube Video of Norris and Huffington has received 4,969 views; 4,962 of those were Obama (Oprah hasn’t seen it, because she only watches videos featuring Oprah Winfrey.)
You heard it first here.
posted by Ginger on Sep 11
In Arkansas over the weekend, a 15-year-old boy had his jaw broken by a Silver Asian carp. The boy was leaning over the edge of his inner tube when the fish jumped out of the water and smacked him in the face. He lost consciousness immediately and has since been put through oral surgery to wire some of his teeth back together. Click here for the full story.
Silver Asian carp are not native to the U.S.; they were brought here in the 1970s. Some theorize that a collection of these aggressive fish were given to Chuck Norris by the Chinese government as a peace offering, shortly after Norris appeared in Way of the Dragon with Bruce Lee. Under Norris’ nurturing and care, the Silver Asian carp have evolved in deadly fighting machines. It is unknown when Norris released the carp to the wild, but they’ve been kicking ass ever since.