Welcome to the Official Aren'tYouChuckNorris.com. Our Mission is simple: To prove the Theory of Chuck Norris. Are you ready to join the Mission?

THE THEORY OF CHUCK NORRIS

The basic premise of the Theory of Chuck Norris is that Chuck Norris conceals himself in broad daylight by taking on the appearance of celebrities. Evidence indicates that Chuck Norris does not do this out of necessity, but merely because he can.

We are dedicated to the pursuit of proving the Theory of Chuck Norris not because we think we can (because it would be impossible to outsmart Chuck Norris), but because we are fascinated by the being that is Chuck Norris.

THE EVIDENCE

We have documented our activities in our own copyrighted document entitled On The Theory of Chuck Norris. Please note that our admission of the existence of this document will insight imposters to produce false work in our name. Do not be fooled. On The Theory of Chuck Norris is heavily guarded and at this time we do not choose to release it for public consumption. To do so might invite the wrath of Chuck Norris. If we change our stand on this, we would certainly publicize this decision here. Until then, any Theory documents you see are undoubtedly fake.

To introduce you to our Mission, however, we will provide some excerpts from our activities here:

May 13, 2004 (Timor-Leste) - A faction of the Kaig Tuc terror group takes over a small village of 127 residents. Women and children are tortured; men are disfigured. Seven days after the siege begins, the villagers awake to find small piles of human ash where their captors had stood watch. A single golden chest hair is recovered from the scene. That very day, Brad Pitt is spotted in a bar two miles away.

December 7, 2001 (Cancun, Mexico) - A woman sitting on an eighth-story railing of the Del Casa Mio Hotel loses her balance and falls over the edge. Miraculously, she lands on her feet disheveled, but unharmed. She immediately asks for a cigarette, stating that the experience "touched her in very private ways that cannot possibly be expressed." Thereafter, the woman would only date men with beards. It is well-documented that George Clooney was staying in the same hotel at the same time.